


Knowing

by Wushu76



Series: Learning Trilogy [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wushu76/pseuds/Wushu76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John had known for years they would end up together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2007.

John had known for years they would end up together. 

They had stumbled out of one and other’s rooms in the early hours of the morning one too many times, insisted on staying in the infirmary for far too long, far too many times. Gone against orders, wisdom or self-preservation dozens of times for each other. 

They had never spoken about it; he knew they hadn’t needed to. One day he’d looked at Rodney and realised this was his forever. This was his one, the person that made him the most complete, it was Rodney that made wherever he was home, familiar and sure. This was love.

He’d heard Rodney’s whisper those three little words once, mostly asleep after a harrowing day, spent sure that they were going to die, followed by frantic, impassioned sex during which John realised he’d been trying to actually climb into Rodney’s skin. 

He was pretty sure he’d mouthed the words back, but he’d been so tired he couldn’t be certain; Rodney wouldn’t have heard it either way. Neither of them mentioned it, guys like them just didn’t talk about things like that, but they were cool, maybe even more than cool.

It was a sure thing, the only sure thing in the insanity of their lives in Atlantis and it gave him something more to fight for. It gave him something personal that he was aiming for, gave him a reason to make it back through the worm hole each time with as little damage as possible.

John had known for years they would end up together. 

Carefully adjusting his tie John checked his reflection in the mirror, not bad for a guy his age. For once his back was completely straight, no slouch, uniform neatly pressed. This was an important day, he had to project the very best image possible, for Rodney at least. 

Once it was over it wouldn’t matter he reminded himself as he straightened each and every ribbon on his jacket carefully, telling himself what each on was for as he went. There were more of them than last time he’d put this uniform on, there always were.

They met up in front of Elizabeth and Rodney looked so damn gorgeous in his suit for a moment it was physically painful. The fleeting quizzical look on Rodney’s too expressive face made it clear something had shown but he’d never had the chance to ask.

He never could remember the ceremony, it passed in a blur of memory and emotion. Emotions that he felt so strongly, cut him so deeply, so sharply, John was amazed he wasn’t sliced open and bleeding on the gate room floor.

Words were spoken that would bind two souls together forever, a public declaration of love and desire. A commitment made to spend the rest of their lives together, live and love jointly. Two become one for the rest of their natural lives.

John had known for years they would end up together. 

Finally it was done, the smile on Rodney’s face showing a complete happiness John had seen far to rarely in their public life, even in their privet one. A smile that lit up Rodney’s entire being. The smile that for the first time elicited no answering smile from John.

It was the first time John had seen the smile directed at someone else. The first time he had to watch as someone else answered that smile with one just as blindingly happy. For the first time he had to watch Rodney loving someone who wasn’t him.

All he could hear was Rodney’s voice in his mind, see Rodney standing at the door, about to walk out of John’s room, “I’ve asked her to marry me. She said yes. We can’t do this, ever again. She deserves more than that.” He could hear the swallow that bobbed Rodney’s throat.

“I deserve more.” And he’d been gone, the closing door preventing John from watching Rodney walk away. He’d been frozen, not a single muscle moving, he was fairly sure even his heart had stopped beating for a little while there.

John didn’t move as Rodney walked away from him, hand in hand with his new bride. He didn’t hear the cat calls from his men, the well wishes from Rodney’s colleges. He didn’t see the concerned looks in his direction, coming from the few friends who knew him well enough.

John had known for years they would end up together.

He’d known wrong.


End file.
